Bunga Raya- Graphite

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This graphite sketch is of a beautiful red Bunga Raya or Hibiscus. It deserves its place as the national flower of Malaysia! They grows so well here in such a great variety of colors and sizes.

The first time I drew one of these flowers, I was rather proud of my picture, even though I was just learning to do shading. I rather timidly showed it to several friends. Everyone’s reaction was the same, “I drew one of those!” I thought they were saying, “Big deal. I can do that.” It was a big deal for me! I never could do that before! I was beginning to get frustrated. Then I found out, every Malaysian school child has to learn to draw a Bunga Raya. It was then I realized I wasn’t hearing them right.

Do you ever have trouble hearing what people say to you? Oh, you hear their words clearly enough. You know what the words mean, but you misunderstand what their intent. You may not even know you did not understand. They might not know how you have taken what they said. Yet there’s a niggling doubt or hurt or anger that lingers after the conversation.

If I had asked a question of my good friends who said they drew bunga raya, I would have seen they never meant that as a put down. If I had asked, “What did yours look like?” or “When did you do that?” or “What have you drawn lately?” You can imagine the answers to those questions and my understanding of their comment on my drawing.

If we don’t know how to ask a follow up question, there is the more direct route. We can always ask, “I’m not sure I understood what you said. Did you mean to say, __?” This opens the conversation to learning more about each other and better understanding.

Let’s work toward better understanding! It is work sometimes, but the payoff is great!

Yellow Crocus

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Crocus flowers were always the first flowers to sprout up, in the garden of the home I grew up in. Often they poked through some snow to herald the coming spring. They grow from a bulb planted in the fall. During winter they are buried under snow and ice. Being able to push their way out to the sun and changeable weather of Spring is a testament to their perseverance.

I’ve been thinking how our life may be like the crocus. We were planted here for a purpose by the Master Gardener. When he places a bulb in the ground he covers it gently with good soil. He expects it to grow and bloom in the early spring. But, like the crocus bulb, we may pass through a mild winter or a very cold, hard winter. We my feel our life is buried and no one, not even The Gardener, remembers we are here. We may feel the pressure of the rain soaked soil or the load of snow or even ice. But His life inside us is causing us to grow. Suddenly our stretching leaves and bud break the surface and we see the bright light of the sun. The joy of that breakthrough is worth all the time buried and growing.

Now, I know this is not a perfect analogy. Actually, as I was about to erase it and try something else, I realized it has a lot of applications. Our new birth in the beginning of our walk with God is very like this budding of the crocus. Then in our walk with God, there are times in all of our lives and long seasons in other’s lives that feel like we have the weight of winter on our backs and nothing is happening. But when we breakthrough, we see He has grown us during that dark time.

We will all have a dark time at the end of our lives. It may be short or long, but we will burst forth when our time here is finished. He will keep His promise to us to live in His ‘dwelling’ forever!

Elephant Ear in Graphite

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I have been fascinated by these huge Elephant Ear plants. Their leaf shape and shading are so beautiful, even in shades of gray.

I love doing my watercolor, but I must do that at a desk. I use my all-purpose desk in my ‘office’ for painting. Sometimes this desk is covered up with other kinds of work and not enough hours to paint. So, we have made a cozy corner on our living room sofa, with an adjustable lamp and a lap pad for my graphite work. While we chat, listen to music, or watch a good show on TV, I curl up and sketch. These quiet moments, with my reference photo, a handful of pencils, an eraser, and a sketchbook are such a wonderful way to calm down after a busy day.

Do you have a good way to get calm at the end of your day? Do you allow your mind to scan your memories of the day and give thanks for the good ones and put the not so good ones in their place. You may need to repent for something, or forgive someone, or write an item on your to-do list for the next day. But mostly, let God restore your soul before you sleep.

Golden Cosmos

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Chinese New Year is a 15 day celebration. During those days, Mike took a picture of our neighbor’s golden cosmos. I loved the color and form of these cheery blooms! So, still wanting a bit of hand holding on Anna Mason’s technique to watercolor this flower, I watched her Pink Cosmos Tutorial while I painted this golden one. That was a mind-bending experience. But it was very helpful to keep me on track and help me see the differences in tones and hues in the flower I was painting.

Cosmos flowers were named by Spanish priests who thought they symbolized order and harmony. That seems very appropriate for our world today. We need every reminder possible that as our communities splinter and rage, we must be agents for harmony and order. Many of us feel we have no control over the whims and dictates of those in authority over us. It is a time to quiet our souls and turn to the Author and Creator, the One who knows best how we work and what is good for us.

Before rushing on to the next picture or cartoon or outrage, please take a moment to quiet your soul and listen to God. Ask Him to show you how you can have order and harmony in your life, even in the midst of chaos.

Last Words to Dad

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You have come to the end of this Couple and Baby class. Congratulations! You have shown your desire to be the best dad and husband you can be. Keep it up! Here are just a few thoughts that I want to share with you to remember.

You are the God-given head of your family. That doesn’t mean you are the ‘boss’ of everything or that it is your fault if something goes awry. But it does mean that your leadership in your home is vital.

In order to be the spiritual head of your home, you must maintain your relationship with God. Don’t let busyness or distraction or exhaustion keep you from your walk with God. Lead your family in love of God and His Word. Make prayer and sharing from the Bible common in your conversations, mealtimes, and bedtimes. Start the day off with a praise song, even in the background, to center your family’s activities for the day. God will help you as your heart is open to Him.

Your relationship with your wife should be your primary concern. Love your wife, keep learning about her and what makes her tick. Find ways to help her in her responsibilities. A little praise, a little appreciation, a little thoughtfulness will go a very long way to keeping your marriage in good repair.

Too many men slip into silence when they are home and with their wife. Maybe they just hear too many words at work. Maybe they need some time to decompress when they get home. Perhaps what she has to say sounds trivial after the momentous events of the day. But you ignore her or shut her out at the peril of your marriage. Spend some quality time with your wife each day. During that time, let her know she is the center of your attention. Allow yourself to be influenced by what she says and what she thinks. Of course, you won’t be able to agree with everything, but let her know you are considering her point of view and care about her.

To be a good parent, you must spend time with your child. Take this seriously and find ways to enjoy your child, from infancy through adolescence and beyond. Play with your child, together with your wife, often. This helps to bind you together as a family. Eat meals together as often as possible. Make these times of connection, not correction. Enjoy each other.

As dad, you have so much to do with your child’s self-esteem and self-image. Your acceptance of your child is key to them. For little boys, they first begin to identify as male around 18 months of age. They recognize the difference between themselves and mom and their likeness to you as dad. He will try to mimic everything you do and say. This is normal and a necessary step in his gender identification.

Don’t be absent from him or ignore or reject him, especially between 18 months through 4 years. Even if your son has different interests and inclinations than you, don’t reject him or call him belittling names. Be a model of manliness. Find ways to connect with him and his interests. Art or cooking are not ‘sissy’ pursuits. The most famous sculptors and chefs were real men.

The way you treat your daughter will become her model of how she should be treated. She will not be easily mistreated or get into bad relationships in her teens if she had her dad model proper treatment of her and her mom. She will know what is proper touch and behavior. She will want to please you in the way she dresses and carries herself. Be sure to give her good feedback and encouragement.

Although you have finished, Couple and Baby Class, please keep in touch. My husband would be glad to email counsel or meet up with you. Or both of us would be happy to meet with you and your wife, if you need some extra help.

God bless and keep you and your marriage and your children!

Diane