Yellow Crocus

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Crocus flowers were always the first flowers to sprout up, in the garden of the home I grew up in. Often they poked through some snow to herald the coming spring. They grow from a bulb planted in the fall. During winter they are buried under snow and ice. Being able to push their way out to the sun and changeable weather of Spring is a testament to their perseverance.

I’ve been thinking how our life may be like the crocus. We were planted here for a purpose by the Master Gardener. When he places a bulb in the ground he covers it gently with good soil. He expects it to grow and bloom in the early spring. But, like the crocus bulb, we may pass through a mild winter or a very cold, hard winter. We my feel our life is buried and no one, not even The Gardener, remembers we are here. We may feel the pressure of the rain soaked soil or the load of snow or even ice. But His life inside us is causing us to grow. Suddenly our stretching leaves and bud break the surface and we see the bright light of the sun. The joy of that breakthrough is worth all the time buried and growing.

Now, I know this is not a perfect analogy. Actually, as I was about to erase it and try something else, I realized it has a lot of applications. Our new birth in the beginning of our walk with God is very like this budding of the crocus. Then in our walk with God, there are times in all of our lives and long seasons in other’s lives that feel like we have the weight of winter on our backs and nothing is happening. But when we breakthrough, we see He has grown us during that dark time.

We will all have a dark time at the end of our lives. It may be short or long, but we will burst forth when our time here is finished. He will keep His promise to us to live in His ‘dwelling’ forever!

Elephant Ear in Graphite

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I have been fascinated by these huge Elephant Ear plants. Their leaf shape and shading are so beautiful, even in shades of gray.

I love doing my watercolor, but I must do that at a desk. I use my all-purpose desk in my ‘office’ for painting. Sometimes this desk is covered up with other kinds of work and not enough hours to paint. So, we have made a cozy corner on our living room sofa, with an adjustable lamp and a lap pad for my graphite work. While we chat, listen to music, or watch a good show on TV, I curl up and sketch. These quiet moments, with my reference photo, a handful of pencils, an eraser, and a sketchbook are such a wonderful way to calm down after a busy day.

Do you have a good way to get calm at the end of your day? Do you allow your mind to scan your memories of the day and give thanks for the good ones and put the not so good ones in their place. You may need to repent for something, or forgive someone, or write an item on your to-do list for the next day. But mostly, let God restore your soul before you sleep.

Golden Cosmos

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Chinese New Year is a 15 day celebration. During those days, Mike took a picture of our neighbor’s golden cosmos. I loved the color and form of these cheery blooms! So, still wanting a bit of hand holding on Anna Mason’s technique to watercolor this flower, I watched her Pink Cosmos Tutorial while I painted this golden one. That was a mind-bending experience. But it was very helpful to keep me on track and help me see the differences in tones and hues in the flower I was painting.

Cosmos flowers were named by Spanish priests who thought they symbolized order and harmony. That seems very appropriate for our world today. We need every reminder possible that as our communities splinter and rage, we must be agents for harmony and order. Many of us feel we have no control over the whims and dictates of those in authority over us. It is a time to quiet our souls and turn to the Author and Creator, the One who knows best how we work and what is good for us.

Before rushing on to the next picture or cartoon or outrage, please take a moment to quiet your soul and listen to God. Ask Him to show you how you can have order and harmony in your life, even in the midst of chaos.

Last Words to Dad

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You have come to the end of this Couple and Baby class. Congratulations! You have shown your desire to be the best dad and husband you can be. Keep it up! Here are just a few thoughts that I want to share with you to remember.

You are the God-given head of your family. That doesn’t mean you are the ‘boss’ of everything or that it is your fault if something goes awry. But it does mean that your leadership in your home is vital.

In order to be the spiritual head of your home, you must maintain your relationship with God. Don’t let busyness or distraction or exhaustion keep you from your walk with God. Lead your family in love of God and His Word. Make prayer and sharing from the Bible common in your conversations, mealtimes, and bedtimes. Start the day off with a praise song, even in the background, to center your family’s activities for the day. God will help you as your heart is open to Him.

Your relationship with your wife should be your primary concern. Love your wife, keep learning about her and what makes her tick. Find ways to help her in her responsibilities. A little praise, a little appreciation, a little thoughtfulness will go a very long way to keeping your marriage in good repair.

Too many men slip into silence when they are home and with their wife. Maybe they just hear too many words at work. Maybe they need some time to decompress when they get home. Perhaps what she has to say sounds trivial after the momentous events of the day. But you ignore her or shut her out at the peril of your marriage. Spend some quality time with your wife each day. During that time, let her know she is the center of your attention. Allow yourself to be influenced by what she says and what she thinks. Of course, you won’t be able to agree with everything, but let her know you are considering her point of view and care about her.

To be a good parent, you must spend time with your child. Take this seriously and find ways to enjoy your child, from infancy through adolescence and beyond. Play with your child, together with your wife, often. This helps to bind you together as a family. Eat meals together as often as possible. Make these times of connection, not correction. Enjoy each other.

As dad, you have so much to do with your child’s self-esteem and self-image. Your acceptance of your child is key to them. For little boys, they first begin to identify as male around 18 months of age. They recognize the difference between themselves and mom and their likeness to you as dad. He will try to mimic everything you do and say. This is normal and a necessary step in his gender identification.

Don’t be absent from him or ignore or reject him, especially between 18 months through 4 years. Even if your son has different interests and inclinations than you, don’t reject him or call him belittling names. Be a model of manliness. Find ways to connect with him and his interests. Art or cooking are not ‘sissy’ pursuits. The most famous sculptors and chefs were real men.

The way you treat your daughter will become her model of how she should be treated. She will not be easily mistreated or get into bad relationships in her teens if she had her dad model proper treatment of her and her mom. She will know what is proper touch and behavior. She will want to please you in the way she dresses and carries herself. Be sure to give her good feedback and encouragement.

Although you have finished, Couple and Baby Class, please keep in touch. My husband would be glad to email counsel or meet up with you. Or both of us would be happy to meet with you and your wife, if you need some extra help.

God bless and keep you and your marriage and your children!

Diane

Last Words to Mom

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There is so much I’d like to say to you. I don’t know if you are a hyper-mom or you take everything in your stride. I don’t know what expectations you have about parenting. The last thing I want to do is add to your to-do lists. So, I’d like to give you just a bit of my philosophy of parenting. I hope this helps you.

Your faith in a Living God who cares for you and your husband and your child will give you the best possible foundation for parenting. Keep up your prayer life. There are so many things that we cannot know. Pray for yourself, your husband, your child. Pray about everything. Our loving Father will guide us, if we ask for His wisdom. He will help us have the right attitudes as we are open to Him through prayer and study of His Word. It can be very hard to find time for the kind of devotions you may have done pre-baby. He doesn’t require long times and great sacrifices. What He does want is an open heart and a willingness to follow His nudges and Word. Do what you can when you can and rest in Him.

You and your husband are a team in parenting your child. You each have strengths and weaknesses in your personalities and abilities. Let your husband’s strengths shine. Encourage your husband when he participates in parenting. Keep open communication with him about your child’s growth and needs. Let him do what you find hard to do with your child. Enjoy your child together.

You cannot possibly do everything you’ve heard ‘good’ mothers do! Don’t forget that. You are the mom that God gave to this child. You are the best mom this child has. You do the best you can and trust God with the rest.  Of course there are things we can learn. There will be many ways we need to change over the days and years. But feeling guilty or inadequate or sub-standard, does not help! Ask for information or help whenever you need it. We all need help at different times. Get good advice, but don’t live under someone else’s standard.

Relax and enjoy your child! Whatever house chores don’t get done today, they will still be there to do tomorrow. Your child and your relationship with him or her is far more important than a spotless house or gourmet meals. Make learning fun and encourage exploration.

Be sure that any care-givers who help you, also love and enjoy your child. Strict disciplinarians or rigid schedule keepers are not the best people to mind your child. Make sure that your parenting philosophy is carried out by anyone else who cares for your child. Also be sure they are physically able to keep up with a growing child.

Finally, remember that you only have this child at home with you for a few years. (I know it will seem like they will never grow up and go out on their own. But, they will!) So, make sure you maintain your marital relationship. This relationship should long out-last your parenting years. If you don’t maintain it now, while your children are young, you won’t have a relationship in 20 years or so when they leave home. Children learn what marriage is about by watching you and your husband. They are NOT threatened by the time and attention you give to each other. They feel secure when they know you love and care for each other.

Although you have finished, Couple and Baby Class, please keep in touch with me. I love to counsel by email. If you would like to meet up with me, that can also be arranged with a little lead time to schedule.

God bless and keep you and your marriage and your children!

Diane