It’s always good to take a fresh look at why we are doing what we are doing and consider changes. Remember that the best influence we have on those around us is “small things often.” Taking the family on a holiday trip once a year is good, but it will not make up for only spending time with your kids once a week and never eating dinner together.
Everything dad does with his children provides opportunities to connect and to learn and to influence.
What can dad can do with his kids often?
- Take your child with you when you run errands. Talk about what you are doing so they learn more about what it means to be a husband, father, and friend. Listen to your kids. Don’t just hear them, but listen to what they say and what they don’t say. You will get a window to their worldview.
- Take your child to his/her school, tuition, and extracurricular activities. Seeing what is involved in their daily activities helps you understand more of their reality.
- Read books and tell stories to your children. They love to hear your voice, cuddle with you, and soak up tales of others’ successes and failures and how they handled them.
- Help with the daily routines of bathing, dressing, getting ready for bed. (Make this a fun time, but don’t get them too wound up so they can’t sleep. This isn’t rough house time, it is calming down time.)
- Monitor behavior. Discipline with loving and clear boundaries and expectations. They will have better emotional, academic, and social behavior.
As a father, you can have the greatest impact on your child’s emotional and social development by a parenting style that focuses on the child’s emotional awareness and regulation as a way of managing behavior. When a parent listens to their children’s feelings, sees the sharing of feelings as an opportunity for connection or teaching, and validates their children’s emotions, they have the greatest impact on their child’s future development.
For example, the 11 year old son went out to ride the scooter. His 9 year old sister followed him. After her turn on the scooter, he began complaining that it was not “fair” that she took a turn. When he kept complaining, his sister decided to do something else. Dad noticed she came in quickly and asked why. She said, “Big brother was whining that her taking a turn wasn’t fair.” So when he came in, Dad listened to his side of the story. Then he used it as a teaching moment. “Son, whether it was fair or not, if you insist on your way and whine and complain, no one will want to play with you. What could you have done instead?” This dad let the events of the day unfold and used them to teach a valuable lesson to his son.
So, make a decision to make every minute you spend with your children count. Spend as much time as possible. When you cannot be physically present, find ways to connect with your child with phone calls, Skype or FaceTime. Really listen and respond to your child’s emotional, as well as, physical needs. Don’t make time with your kids just another item on your to-do list, but connect often. Enjoy being a Dad!