Dads are interested in much more hands on care of babies than in past generations. It is time to throw out the myths that just are not true.
Here are the top Five Myths about dad and baby care:
- Fathers are uninterested in babies. (Dads are encouraged to be involved from early pregnancy through delivery. He just doesn’t have the same physical reminders of baby that mom has.)
- Fathers are less competent than mothers to care for newborns and young infants. (They have fewer opportunities to gain experience before baby is born, but they learn fast!)
- Fathers are biologically unprepared to care for infants. (Both parents and baby get bonding hormones.)
- Fathers are less nurturing than mothers. (Not true! Just watch a dad holding his baby. He’s as gentle and engaged as any mom.)
- Fathers do not know how to talk to babies. (Everyone slows down their speech, makes more sounds and less words, speaks more softly to babies.)
Though dads want to be involved, their experience and culture may make it harder to know how and what to do. Mom can make all the difference in his early and continued involvement with baby.
A Word to Moms
You do want Dad to help with the baby. Sharing the responsibilities makes the load much lighter. He has much to contribute to your baby’s development. But sometimes moms worry that dad won’t do it ‘right’ or that when all’s said and done, she’ll still be blamed if anything goes wrong with baby. Some dads don’t seem to want to help at all with baby. It may be that he needs more help and encouragement to learn or he’s afraid he won’t be able to do something that’s needed. So here are some ways to help in sharing the parental responsibilities.
- Don’t delegate his tasks. That feels like you are bossing him. Make joint decisions on the tasks you choose to d0. You may just naturally fall into a rhythm of roles and duties or it may take some time to work out a good routine.
- Adjust your standards. You will not do everything the same way. Accept his way of doing the tasks he undertakes. He may calm your baby differently than you, but keep the goal in mind- comforting baby.
- Don’t be a gatekeeper. Don’t control the amount of time he spends with the baby. And don’t ‘fix’ whatever he is struggling to learn to do. He will feel unwelcome and decide to leave everything for you to do on your own.
- Show your gratitude for his help! Be grateful for his partnership in parenting, not just in doing tasks.
Now, some ways Dad can really help
- Cradle Baby Close – Your forearm makes a nice pillow. Draping baby over your forearm may work better if he is being breast fed.
- Take the Night Shift – Mom will really appreciate it and it gives you precious time alone with your baby.
- Soothe Her Tears – Baby learns mom isn’t the only one who can soothe. You calm your baby with your deep voice, gentle rocking, and cuddle.
- Make Silly Faces and Sing Silly Songs – Baby will delight in your smile and deep voice.
- Take Him for a Walk – Walk with a sling carrier so he can feel your rhythm and be soothed. These carriers leave your arms free to move.
- Special Play Time – Set aside your own play time so baby begins to expect ‘daddy time’.
- Nappy Duty – It may be hard at first, but it will become routine. Play a game as you do it and it will be more fun for you and baby.
- Cleaning Time – Use a baby carrier as you vacuum or mop. You help with the house keeping and baby bonds with you.
- Take a Sick Day – When baby is ill, you can take a sick day too. Go to healthy baby check ups as often as possible so you can hear from the doctor how baby is developing.
- Bedtime Routine – Choose a part of the routine you want to be involved in. You will help your little one learn to settle and go to sleep.
Discuss:
- Talk about your past experiences and how they are affecting your attitude or abilities with your baby.
- Talk about what you really want to be able to do with your baby.
- Discuss what parts of baby care each will do or when each will do them. Remember, these don’t have to be set in stone. You can revisit these roles and responsibilities as often as needed.
- Discuss how you can both work together to make it possible for Dad to be involved with baby.