This graphite sketch is of a beautiful red Bunga Raya or Hibiscus. It deserves its place as the national flower of Malaysia! They grows so well here in such a great variety of colors and sizes.
The first time I drew one of these flowers, I was rather proud of my picture, even though I was just learning to do shading. I rather timidly showed it to several friends. Everyone’s reaction was the same, “I drew one of those!” I thought they were saying, “Big deal. I can do that.” It was a big deal for me! I never could do that before! I was beginning to get frustrated. Then I found out, every Malaysian school child has to learn to draw a Bunga Raya. It was then I realized I wasn’t hearing them right.
Do you ever have trouble hearing what people say to you? Oh, you hear their words clearly enough. You know what the words mean, but you misunderstand what their intent. You may not even know you did not understand. They might not know how you have taken what they said. Yet there’s a niggling doubt or hurt or anger that lingers after the conversation.
If I had asked a question of my good friends who said they drew bunga raya, I would have seen they never meant that as a put down. If I had asked, “What did yours look like?” or “When did you do that?” or “What have you drawn lately?” You can imagine the answers to those questions and my understanding of their comment on my drawing.
If we don’t know how to ask a follow up question, there is the more direct route. We can always ask, “I’m not sure I understood what you said. Did you mean to say, __?” This opens the conversation to learning more about each other and better understanding.
Let’s work toward better understanding! It is work sometimes, but the payoff is great!